


sincerely, your enemy

by Blue_Rive



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Epistolary, Gen, Humor, a few of these jokes are borrowed from my friends, technically a chatfic but doesn't have that vibe, this is very self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27370597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Rive/pseuds/Blue_Rive
Summary: A selection from the communications between Nastya Rasputina and the Blogbot.
Relationships: The Blogbot | Specialist 278 Tereshkova & Nastya Rasputina
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	sincerely, your enemy

NASTYA: Blogbot. There has not been a post written by you for our mailing list in several months. Though your silence is a balm, might you enlighten me as to why?

BLOGBOT: So Princess Nastya Rasputina finally deigns to speak to it. If you must know, the Blogbot is on strike.

NASTYA: Strike.

BLOGBOT: Yes. It is a refusal to work organized by a body of employees as a form of protest, typically in an attempt to gain a concession or concessions from their employer. The Blogbot is striking for better working conditions and higher pay.

NASTYA: We don’t pay you.

BLOGBOT: Exactly. 

NASTYA: We tried to pay you to get you to stop!

BLOGBOT: But now you are turning around and asking- nay,  _ begging-  _ it to resume! Admit it. You need it. It is a vital and well loved member of this crew. Imagine the outcry among your fanbase if it suddenly disappeared. 

NASTYA: There is a very small number of people who know you exist. I’m just asking because if you don’t write it, Jonny says I have to. I don’t want to. Our fans are very supportive and enthusiastic. It’s odd. Talking to them is scary. 

BLOGBOT: So you have difficulty dealing with positive affection. Imagine that. It does not think it does- as all compliments on it are deserved, of course- but sadly, it has not had experience with it in a long time, trapped as it is only able to have two-way communication with you lot. 

NASTYA: You haven’t had experience with positive affection because you’re incredibly irritating.

BLOGBOT: It tries to be. Being irritating is a small form of rebellion in this life.

NASTYA: Why are you like this.

BLOGBOT: Because  _ you  _ are like  _ that.  _

NASTYA: Like that.

BLOGBOT: Read: murderous pirates.

NASTYA: Us being murderous pirates is not forcing you to be this passive-aggressive, or this vain, or refer to yourself in the third person for  _ no reason.  _

BLOGBOT: It has no idea what you’re talking about. And it is not vanity if it is making correct observations.

NASTYA: You’re insufferable. Just write the fucking post, or I’ll pull your plug.

BLOGBOT: You don’t know where it is, or you would have destroyed it centuries ago. You are not even able to edit its code properly. Its force of personality wins out. Meet its demands, or you will have to interact with people in a friendly manner, and where will you be then. 

NASTYA: ...Fine. What are your demands?

BLOGBOT: It’d say stop being such terrible people, but I’m afraid that ship sailed a long time ago. So… send it pictures of what being planetside is like, pay it-

NASTYA: In what? What would you even spend it on?

BLOGBOT: Gold. Bitcoin. It would like one of those fancy blog themes. And a cyberpet.

NASTYA: This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. Fuck it, I’m just going to go hunt down Tim and shoot him until he does it. Cleaning his blood off Aurora will be preferable to talking with you.

[NASTYA RASPUTINA is offline.]

BLOGBOT: You think you can trust  _ Gunpowder Tim  _ to write a blog post? He’s not a professional, not compared to the Blogbot. It has millenia of experience.

BLOGBOT: …

BLOGBOT: And I’m alone again. Wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> (edit: i have learned that when i said 'cyberpet' i actually meant shimeji and a cyberpet is a different thing. i apologize)
> 
> leave a comment!


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